One Month

A month! Can it really be just 30 days since I started this account?

I wake up some mornings thinking what I’d got up to the previous day is a dream, and that once fully awake I’d realise my life was still the humdrum routine it had been for too long.

Thankfully it isn’t.

It’s a bit frightening to think that if I can get up to the things I’ve done so far in just a month what am I going to be like in a year?

I think I’ve found those kinks that turn me on the most; the exhibitionism, flashing, the peeing, but I shall I hope, as time passes, try others. As I said to someone in a DM recently, I think these desires are all latent, we just need to let them surface to enjoy them rather than repress them.

Enough of the public service notices!

Jane. Friday. I feel like a teenager anticipating a first date. As nervous as hell. I wished now I’d asked Naomi if she’d told Jane about me. Then I’d know. Was this just a drink with a woman in similar circumstances? Or was Jane interested in me sexually?

Come to that, was I interested in Jane sexually? If I was, did I want to be? Was I prepared to cross the barrier and have a lesbian relationship?

The quick answer there is no. I realise I am not, in any way, shape, or form interested in a relationship with either a man or a woman. I’m enjoying my freedom too much now. I might be happy to curtail it in the future, but for now, I want to just do what I want, when I want.

And what I want at the moment is to experience physical contact with a woman. I’ve got to say it haven’t I? Fuck a woman. Or be fucked by her. Or both.

I’m not a lesbian or gay. Am I? I can’t be, I enjoy chatting to you men too much. And seeing the results of what my photos do! No. I tell myself all I’m interested in is sexy fun. Given that, thanks to my ex-husband, the thought of being close to any part of a man except his cock is still a no-no, I need an alternative. (Now there’s an idea. Any of you who fancy fucking me, simply send your cock along. I’ll use it, extract every last drop of cum, and return the empty!)

I’m sorry I’m spouting rubbish, but I’m desperate to keep my mind off actually thinking about Jane and our meeting.

I’ve tried to gameplay it as I do with business meetings. Trying to judge how I’d react to any given comment or in Jane's case, advance.

It doesn’t help. I get to the point where her hands begin touching me and I freeze-frame it there. Not knowing what happens next.

Considering what I’ve done out and about it seems weird that I have such an inability to simply sit back (or hopefully lie back!) and enjoy it.

See? There, without thinking, I said lie back and enjoy it. Presumably, I do want it to happen.

Oh god. Enough wittering. I think this cough is affecting my cognitive ability. I would imagine you’ve all given up reading by now anyway.

Friday will come eventually. Then we’ll know, won’t we?

Please if you enjoyed it do ‘clap’ for me below and if you want to be notified of future blogs do register. That helps me too, as it pushes my blog higher up the algorithm (or something!).

Also if you haven’t read earlier blogs click on Tracy_Trouble below to see what I’ve been doing. XXXX